So yeah I'm on insulin....

So I have had this diabetes type thingy for a few years now. Since last monday diet and pills don't cut it anymore and now I'm on insulin. Kinda sucks for a number of reasons, but it will most likely greatly improve my health.

Anyway in case any of you are interested, this is how it looks. And it's true, you can barely feel the needle.

Looks like a case for an expensive pen right?

well in a way it is.
It's important to make sure the fluid is mixed completely.

Mixed and all it's time to screw the needle on it and
select the right dose on the "pen".

And here it is, dial turned to eight units (that's what most
start out with) needle ready to pierce the body....

That's my well muscled upper leg, jab the needle in, push the
"pen" and leave it in for ten seconds.

Now throw away the needle in the junky bin.

So that's it, easy as pie.

BTW The Sugarpill sticker on my laptop is pure coincidence.

Freya, Sugar and Skyrim

Soooo….

Just a short update today on what’s going on in my life.

shown cute kitten, that was then

Starting of, I am nervous as hell. Our kitten (6 months now and not really the tiny little kitten anymore) is being “helped” today, and though it may be a routine job for the vet, it’s not every day our little diva is under narcosis. You have to understand  how I am put together to fully understand my stress about this.  I could care less about 99,9% of humanity and even though I want people to be happy I can witness human suffering and still be able to sleep at night. One PETA commercial however and I’m having nightmares for weeks. Animals in a way are helpless, they were put on this planet with us and we kinda took over, the animals were delivered to our mercy. When I see an animal suffer my heart breaks. So now our own little diva is being operated on, I am completely stressed.

Yesterday it was once again time to do some medical tests because of me being a glucose-challenged individual. Normally this takes an hour out of my morning max. However since I am not supposed to consume anything but water starting the evening before, I always have the whole day off to sleep and get my bloodsugar to it’s normal slightly elevated level through the medium of pizza and sleep. Now I knew the location I had to go to had changed so I looked it up the day before. It was a “home” for the elderly, having type2 diabetes seemed fitting here since it’s roughly translated called “elderly diabetes” here. Upon entering the building and in doing so cutting the average age in there in half I discovered that it was closed on Tuesdays. I won’t bore you with details but the short story boils down to; me riding around town for more than an hour, imagine me pale as a sheet, not having eaten for half a day, in diabetes years that’s like two days, finally getting a needle jabbed in my arm, 4 pints of blood stolen and finally handing in two test tubes containing freshly squeezed urine. Off course the lady doing the jabbing was in a bad mood and off course she stuck me in a most painful and probably incorrect way, making my arm hurt up till the evening.

yay

However… coming home, after finally having eaten, I went to sleep. I heard my phone receiving an incoming message but chose to ignore it. Not that much later, my lovely wife woke me up. Just before I had the chance to make a bitchy remark about wanting to sleep she showed me the text message I had received. The game I had been waiting for, The Elder Scrolls Skyrim (I think I mentioned this in earlier blogs), which will be officially released coming Friday 11-11-11, was waiting for me at my now favorite gamestore GameMania. I called the shop for confirmation and after receiving said confirmation promised them to be there within seconds, which I nearly succeeded in. I understand it caused quite the stir up, selling the game three days before the official worldwide release, but quite frankly I don’t care, I am playing Skyrim! If I’m coming up short with blogging the coming weeks because of that, I am sorry in advance…. No wait, I’m not… I’m playing Skyrim!

“This is an automated message, Sidney will not be replying to any messages, in case of world domination by felines or the Mayans being wrong and the world ending right now, the rapture happening, or Sidney winning an amount exceeding 10.000 euro’s in the lottery, it is possible to try to contact Sidney over xbox live. Loss of limbs, sanity or soul resulting of interrupting Skyrim, at your own risk.”

Overload…

Okay, for this one time I will give you a small peek in how my mind works. One thing in particular which my wife calls my “*autistic mood” and which I refer to as “overload”.

We all have things on our mind, good things, bad things and things you simply have to work out. Now I am a worrier at heart but I have always tried to train myself to be somewhat more relaxed, because of my health. Let me explain that… I have diabetes and a side effect I specifically suffer from is peeking blood glucose levels due to stress. Having a high blood glucose level can in time have effects such as losing sight, impotence, loss of extremities especially feet or organ failure. So basically mellow out or fall apart and give up sex. So going Teflon and have stressful things slide of me is the way to go if I want to have a fun or any life at all.

Now I am quite the talker at times, but having a real personal conversation always seems to be very difficult for me, not because I am shy or don’t want to talk about my feelings but because I want to keep things simple and stay away from sticky situations. I do my fighting by mail. Every once in a while issues need your attention, work related, financial or personal. For most people around me I can come across as uninterested or a bit down when too much of this is on my plate. On the inside however I am working like crazy to make puzzle pieces fit while maintaining  a sort of status quo stress wise, don’t wanna go impotent over taxes right?

Now I have this theory that you can handle two big issues at a time. In the categories emotional (family, friends, relation or other issues and trauma’s), financial and career wise, two can go haywire for a limited amount of time without you falling apart. Do not underestimate having too many good things on your mind either, I for one am very vulnerable to anticipation. When all three go wrong or one category comes under extreme pressure whistles start blowing and alarm bells go off. When this happens some people blow up and start yelling or crying or go all-round berserk depending on the scale of the issues. I feel this is not something we want to happen, so people have built in protection against this happening, these protections may vary from person to person. One may go all manic and go on a shopping spree another may get all depressed and start scouring for comfort food. I go on “pause” nearing catatonic, all but the most basic communication to the outside world are switched off and the “act like a 4 year old” activates.

I love to blame this on my diabetes mood swings, but I’m afraid that at times, I’m just a dick.

*I have some experience with autism, there is no need to correct or inform me regarding this. I am not referring to the medical definition but I am using the term freely to indicate a certain type of behavior opposite of open en social communicative behavior.

Ear infection, no fun at all…

Yes I have yet again been away for some time, once again because I was sick. This time I had an infection in my ear. Not a regular one that lasts for three days and can be made less painful by piercing the eardrum, trust me I do not underestimate these “regular” ear infections, I’ve had them plenty, but one in the middle of my ear, with such an extreme swelling that both my ears were grown shut.

I have tried to describe how it felt entering day six of the infection on Facebook…

Take six needles, if possible a bit blunt and rusty, and boil some oil to 190 degrees. Now create a vacuum inside your skull, stick the needles in both your ears, try to hit your eardrum at least once and pour the boiling oil in your ear as well. Let's not forget to create continuous buzzing, throbbing and whistling inside your head and to remove 90% of your hearing. Now hang a 15 kilo weight around your neck and stay awake for 5 days. 

Welcome to my world. 

I have had severe backaches, burns, broken bones, migraine, deep cuts, neck aches and what more, I am no sissy, but ear-infection is by far the most painful experience I know.

I am right now still not completely recovered, due to my diabetes it seems to take longer to feel completely okay again, also my ear still stings a bit when I don’t take pain killers at least twice a day. But I am getting a bit better every day and I have been back at work for several days now, working half days.

Other than that, keep your eyes open for workshops, courses and other interesting events we have planned in the coming months at Ixani. We’re possibly starting a tarot club type thingy, and I am preparing something that will allow you to get into contact with “your own” tarot card. Keep your eyes open for details on Ixani.nl I don't want to give away anything yet....

Diabetically speaking

So I’ve had a few weeks off… and feeling blogging is a bit like work, I have blogged as much as I have worked during this period, which means I haven’t. Sorry if you have been waiting all that time (yeah that’s bloody likely).

But now I’m back and I plan to pick up the pace again, as soon as I am back in my “normal” rhythm. Right now I am still physically and emotionally adjusting to the fact I have to be a part of the regular daytime society again. Diabetically speaking that’s quite a challenge and though my normal rhythm is healthier, switching it and adhering to the clock again can be pretty tough. Bonus challenge for not being able to sleep in this weekend….

I am in need of a vacation……..

Stress, Diabetes and other shit... not literal.

I am one of those people who build up stress, now with having diabetes that’s a double danger. Stress has a bad influence on my system and having a sugar imbalance increases my stress even without thinking about it, it’s a chemical thing I guess, a lovely metabolic viscous circle (did I spell that correctly?). So even while everything is smooth sailing I have to take extra care not to mess up my stress levels. Under normal circumstances I should have been a stress free rock like sort of person.

herp a derp

Now… are not normal circumstances, I won’t go into detail but I can say I am experiencing more stress then usual. Which results in huge energy insufficiency, severe depressed moods and health issues such as small infections, extreme fatigue and headaches. The saddest thing is, it shouldn’t bug me, I know it shouldn’t, but I can’t help it, my body and my mind seem to betray me and I am feeling sick because of it. I really dislike whining and yet here I am doing it myself.

So for the few people who know me who read these blogs, I feel like crap, nothing you and I can do about it and I’ll just stop whining about it now. Just thought I’d let you know the why and how before I start calling people names, breaking down or blowing up….

Bloodsugah baby!

Bloodsugah baby!

Okay so I have this diabetes thing and right now all I have to do is watch what I eat, sleep well, exercise and eat a shitload of meds. And since exercise is always something I have planned for tomorrow, I have too much to do in the line of gaming to spend much time asleep and taking meds is just doing what the doctor ordered, the only real influence I have on my health is in the intake of food and drink.

And that sucks…

You know why it sucks, because I am a big fan of food… especially fatty, high carb food, the kind I can only have a small amount of, like getting one shot glass of water after exercising for two hours or getting one hour of sleep after 24 hours of partying… or or… only getting to touch one boob after three months of celibacy… well okay maybe not that. And then there is chocolate… oh man chocolate, chocolate could turn me to crime. Screw coke, give me chocolate.

Now every three months I have to go to the doctor’s and do a check up on blood sugar/glucose levels, blood pressure and weight. And every time about a week up front I start to get nervous. This time was no different. But I got a good score on two out of three, we will not mention weight today… so for a short period of time I will allow myself to be somewhat less careful… a shame I am out of McDonalds and chocolate money though (especially now there’s StarWars happy meals ;-) ).