Autumn… oversensitive depressed tarot cards.

Yeah autumn is here, I have been bitching about it for days. Keep in mind, this used to be my favorite season, but right now I hate it’s guts. Not even those great autumn themed songs have any appeal left. It will be interesting to see how much of this mood will find it’s way in my readings, especially coming Saturday during the world summer festival. My guess is I will predict a few untimely deaths and the occasional break up just to make sure I’m not the only one in this mood right now.

No… I won’t, I’ll be good… well good-ish

Next month will be Samhain, or Halloween, supposedly one of those rare periods in a year where the veil between this world and the next is it’s thinnest, though I personally believe the veil is equally strong (or frail) throughout the year, the mindset and atmosphere certainly don’t hurt getting the right focus. On Halloween I will be doing back to back readings at Ixani (www.ixani.nl) and we’ll see… I am still wondering which deck I will use both on world summer and the Samhain readings. I guess for Samhain it will have to be the Dark Angels or Gothic Vampires tarot.

The Future looks so bright….

The Future looks so bright….

I have a rule when reading for customers, I make no promises about the future. I always explain that even though some people use tarot purely for divining the future, I use it to gain insight on the present… which of course helps you prepare and plan for the future. Basically I help people take the future in their own hands. Of course this means I give advice on the future. Once in a while things come up however that are peculiar and the cards do tend to get a bit clairvoyant. Since this is something that cannot be forced during a reading I never make promises. Clients however do seem to expect me to tell me their fortune, some I believe would even have me lie about it just to make the reading sound good.

So this is a typical reading with such a customer… yes taken from real life.

After a short introduction about me and how I view Tarot, including the fact that I don’t do fortune telling…

Me: Did you have a specific question or subject you want to talk bout?
She: Yes, will I meet the love of my life this year?
Me: I believe I explained to you that I don’t tell fortunes, I can however see what steps you can take to make sure you are open to the opportunity and are emotionally ready for a commitment?
She: Yeah okay, but will this happen this year?
Me: That depends on you…
She: Okay, I get it let’s see…

At this point I lay out the cards explain them, their placing and their meaning and what the influence the cards have on each other. We have a good conversation and discover she has unresolved issues from previous relations as well as a problem with her mother and what type of man she thinks is suitable for her daughter. We were rounding things up after 45 minutes and as usual I ask:

Me: Is there anything I need to clarify? Do you have any questions or remarks?
She: Yes, which card says when I will meet the love of my life?
Me: (considering a facepalm) none, If anything is a deciding factor it would be you.
She: So which card is me then?
Me: (pointing out a card which could symbolize the lady) this one could be.
She: So when does the card say?
Me: It doesn’t say
She: You’re really not that good at this aren’t you?
Me: If you expect me to tell you the future no, but few really are.
She: I think it will be this year, none of the cards rate higher then twelve, so it has to be within a year.
Me: (not telling her that the cards don’t exceed ten, well the minors at least) yeah that could be it!
She: Okay thank you that’s what the other fortune teller said as well…

Thrice loved, a sad history with a happy ending...

Thrice loved…

Lovers is one of the most powerful cards of the tarot and is easily understood as a good omen; love will come or better yet love will remain strong. Lovers however has a deeper meaning and can shift in explanation from personal relations to an abstract concept of unity applicable to anything in life.

Love however, can take different forms and it’s impact on people is one of the most awesome experiences you can have. It can be as exhilarating as a rollercoaster and as destructive as a tornado. Those who have experienced true deep love know the extreme highs and lows it can bring. At one moment you feel indestructible when it all goes well but next you can be a wreck plagued by uncertainty, jealousy or depression. In my life I have had three big loves and I will tell you about them.

One,

At the age of 17 I have already had a few relationships, the longest having been three years with who I have experienced all the big first times, real kissing, sex and eventually a break up. It was a nasty break up too, resulting in her having to be committed in a psychiatric hospital, no joke. Well it was around the time all this was winding down we had a school trip, five days of staying in a chateaux in the French Ardennen. On the last day on our way back to the Netherlands we were visiting natural caves. While deep underground I, already being 1.89 meters bumped my head severely on a stalactite, when the stars before my eyes were fading I heard the most enchanting sound ever, a soft giggle coming from right beside me. I looked and saw green eyes staring at me, I heard her stating her name and I was in love. Nothing ever came from it, I was scared shitless about the whole situation but for the best of three years we were the best friends imaginable. We had similar interests in art, music and we had the same weird sense of humor. She was always one step better then me in everything, school, painting, music, but that was okay by me as long as I got to stay close to her. She hurt me, in hindsight I believe intentionally, by dating friends of mine. I think she tried to get me to make a move, but when I finally worked up the nerve it all spiraled down to hell with a dramatic climax that made sure she would hate me forever. Up to this day the mentioning of her name hurts.

Two

I was in the end of a seven year relationship with the mother of my son, we both knew the relationship was dying but neither of us wanted to act on it, I think it had been dying ever since the first year. We started dating after school, we had been classmates and we had been really good friends, but we never should have been lovers. We kinda hate each other’s guts now. While we were more or less breaking up I was a regular on the Iron Maiden forum, it was more or less the dawn of the internet and social networking, we were still using dial-up connections *gasp*. I was an awful flirt and enjoyed all the attention I got. One girl in particular got my attention and I hers. When the final blow to my relationship was struck I immediately shifted our contact to a higher gear. Only one problem, she lived in Norway, under the best circumstances a 300 euro flight back then. But eventually I did fly over and in real live it was love at first sight. I got off the plane, picked up my luggage, saw her, kissed and never really stopped kissing and such for the next few days. Life was weird around that time, I have never been more focused on the supernatural then in those days. We had both experienced the most extreme phenomena when we were just talking online and in real life that became more and more powerful. Several flights between the Netherlands and Norway had been made when eventually in around November she came to move in with me. At first for a month, but after a three month visit abroad she would come back to stay indefinitely. After a month of contact through SMS and an occasional mail, time difference and lack of internet café’s being a challenge, she finally texted me: “I know now that I am not in love with you, I am only coming back to pick up my things”. I was broken, shattered and lost all will to live. It was then I spent a year on the verge of death, suicide on my mind daily. I stopped paying my bills and lost all interest in the world, until….

Three

I was slowly but surely coming to the conclusion that life was simply not worth it. I spent a lot of my time online being all emo and deep. One girl got my attention though. When I was actually standing at the train crossing, waiting for a train to jump in front of, I had been standing there for hours, trains passing, struggling with myself, it was her words that actually made me go back home to get behind my computer and talk to her again. We became good friends meeting often, but she had a boyfriend then. I was secretly in love with her fully aware that nothing could come from it. The days of my first love often came back to mind while I secretly gave my heart to her from a distance. All the while I was still struggling with how I lost number two, I was a true emotional maelstrom. It was a time of extreme emotions ranging from despair to bliss. Eventually things changed between her boyfriend and her. It had taken little effort to convince her we were made for each other, “little effort” considering the months up till then that is. Things went my way and right now I am married to her and still deeply in love and though she may be number three, she is the best thing that happened to me.

Those are three aspects of love I take with me when I draw the lovers card… unanswered love, all consuming and destructive love, deep affectionate and healing love. I believe Tarot is not age restricted persé, but having lived through certain things, having experienced the concepts the cards depict gives your reading more depth.

I'm a game-nerd and not afraid to admit it...

Halo Reach,

This week is all committed to my other addiction, computer games, specifically xbox, more specifically Halo Reach. The 14th of September has been a highlighted day on my calendar ever since it became Halo Reach’s official release date. Yes I am such a person sometimes referred to as a sad individual, I actually took three days off from work to commit myself to getting a head start within the gaming community with this awesome piece of programming genius.

I even bought the so called Legendary edition containing a large statue en all types of in-game goodies. It also contained a book. It’s a replica of the fictional diary of Dr, Catherine Halsey, one of the more important background characters in the Haloverse. I was blown away with the amount of detail they put in it. It contains scraps, electronic keycards, notes, photographs and newspaper clippings. All from the fictional universe but so realistically done. I love the amount of work creators Bungie have put in this game and it’s bonus items to please the fans. It’s a rare dedication to please fans Bungie shows with this game and it’s bonus content I wish more companies followed their example.

Next time will be a tarot blog again…promise.

Tarot Art

Okay not too much to write about today, I will leave you howeve with a few Tarot oreintated pieces of artwork I did.

Two of swords Tattoo desig I did for a colleague.

Painting I did, just messing about a bit. It's hanging in the Ixani shop window now.

The Magician, an actual start of my own deck some years ago.

Strength? Not what I intended whilst doing this rather simple free-hand painting, but it did remind me strongly of the card when it was finished.

Boiling excrement....

*Sigh*

Today is typically one of those days I would love to skip. Work is all but motivating today and this evening I’m eating at my parents place. Normally that wouldn’t be any problem at all, but my lovely wife as a concussion and isn’t feeling very well. Not serious enough to have to stay at home, but annoying enough for me to want to be there to support her. Right now the dinner date at mums feels like an obligation. And if there’s one thing I have difficulty coping with it’s obligations. Getting this “having to work” thing accepted by my psyche was hard enough.

The middle of the week is a rotten day anyway, weekend too long back to have it busy your mind and the next weekend too far away to get excited about. I actually hate Wednesdays more then I do Mondays. The weather is awful. Don’t get me wrong at times a good shower can be quite enjoyable, but not when you still have a “rest of the day” to wrestle through. The whole world looks gray and everybody this morning at work seems to be just a tad less cheerful then usual, usual being about as cheerful as a Monday morning funeral.

Yes today I would prefer a root canal treatment without anesthetics bound over a boiling pit of excrement while being used as a target for extra large serrated darts over having to be at work… okay not really but I really wanted to fit in a nasty visual here.

Simply put I do not like the cards I got dealt today, I wish I could simply reshuffle and start again. Hell maybe even cheat a bit and put the “sun” and “10 of cups” on top. ( look it up )

Anyhoo…

Things to look forward to:

- Jasmine, my wife will be writing a blog here as a guest writer soon ( Oh my gosh : http://gosh-makeup.blogspot.com/ )
- Ixani new age shop ( www.ixani.nl ) and NLTarot will be organizing a give away with prizes and free readings
- HALO Reach will be out in 6 days, may not mean anything to you, but my gamer heartbeat is increasing by the day…. Hey sue me, I can’t be all mystical and wise all the time… ;-)

Your God and my Goddess should meet….

Okay I may not be a full blown wiccan but as far as deities go, when forced to put an image to the driving force of the universe I see a woman. Voluptuous, sensual, dangerous, nurturing… mother, maiden and crone. Usually I have a fairly abstract image of he energies that rule the universe, but at times, especially when I’m in need of spiritual grounding or when I am feeling particularly bad, I picture this black haired lady watching over me. Looking at me with both care and desire, giving and taking at once. Gaia, mother nature, Morrigan and many other ancient concepts of female deities inspire me, and even though it at times feels a bit naïve it fits wonderfully in the way I need to live my life.

I do not litter, I defend my territory and take care of my “pack”, I never kill a creature… not even a bug or spider (of which I am really not that fond) if it can be avoided, achieving a certain amount of irritation of people around me, I escort every spider, earwig or moth outside… Now I may not want to kill them but that doesn’t mean I want to share my habitat. Few may really understand this but it feels good to please my goddess, to take care of her, but also to not damage or trespass on her terrain. I believe it makes me a better man to have such a relationship with the world around me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am no vegan or vegetarian or militant environmental activist (or however you write that) . I claim my place in this world I eat meat and I have a territory. I am on the higher steps of the foodchain and I love it there. I do however always try to find an equilibrium. I stay practical in my decisions, but I take effort to keep my goddess and her creation in mind when doing so.

In a way I find the concept of a goddess easily tied to our world, to nature. To some extend I view a male deity as one with a responsibility regarding morality, while the female takes care of the living world. Though I must admit I find the Judaic concept of God somewhat lacking, seemingly ruling according to his own rulebook, blindly following his own dogma’s unable to change, to grow I do recognize a certain need for a male force as well. As far as male deities go however I like to see “him” more like the Norse Odin, inspiring rather then ruling. It is interesting that even though I worship a goddess I still have room for a male energy as well, while the traditional male God shoves all women aside. An exception being found in the worship of Mary mother of God.

Still, female and male should be in balance I believe, opposing, complementing, the sun and the moon.. creation and destruction, two sides of the same coin. I also believe that as a male I have stronger need for a goddess to balance out my own male energy and need. Perhaps women should equally be balanced out by a male deity. One thing however is clear to me, the Image of a beautiful woman ruling the universe Is far more exciting then that of an old geezer with a white beard .